I can’t help but think back to 25 years ago today and remember (or try to remember) what I was doing and how I was feeling. It was a cool, sunny Friday and I had a ton of stuff to do! Fun stuff! Stuff that makes one’s tummy all a flutter! Important stuff! Dreamy stuff! Stuff I had been planning since I was a little girl! Ok I’m sure you get the point that this was going to be a special time.

Yep! I was getting ready for the wedding of my dreams to the man of my dreams! This man was and still is my very own prince, as he is the son of The One True King! As a princess myself, this fact was extremely important. It was so important that in 2 Corinthians 6:14 God said, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” That’s pretty important wouldn’t you say? What a treasure! This man was truly a Godsend! He was hand picked for me by my Heavenly Father! I have no doubts about this because he and I are almost complete opposites. Lol. Seriously, he is country and I am city (although country is becoming my jam). In our early marriage I had to make him stay awake until 8 pm to visit with me and I could stay up all night. This was a feat since he got up at 3 or 4 am. I do have to admit that now I am beating him to bed at night. Lol He is outdoorsy and I am allergic to the sun… If you didn’t know, God has a huge sense of humor!

I always looked at my parents and how they ordered the same thing at a restaurant, how they were so much alike and it seemed that when you saw only one of them you could envision the other one like they were one person… God said in Mark 10:8-9, “and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” I never really understood the depth of the meaning in these verses until thinking about our anniversary and how Hershel and I have grown together… as one… The older we get and the more time we spend together the more we are alike. Ok so I’m chasing rabbits today but maybe that’s where God was leading me in this blog… I never know.

So back to 25 years ago I had last minute details, a bridesmaid luncheon given by some amazing women that I love so much, and as it is currently 4:20 pm I was probably getting ready for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. I remember that at rehearsal I was having so much fun that I could not pay attention which made me pretty nervous the next day when I didn’t know what I was supposed to do… lol. Our rehearsal dinner was catered by an amazing chef and precious man named Frenchie (Anthony Manuel). We had ribeyes, sautéed mushrooms, potatoes, salad, rolls, and of course, cake… my mouth is watering!!! After dinner the girls went to the house of one of my bridesmaids and we had a lingerie shower. It was so much fun! Then I went home and spent some time with my mom. We laughed and cried and just enjoyed being together.

The next morning… WEDDING DAY!! Here is what I remember… my grandparents were staying with us and as soon as I left for the beauty salon my grandparents started getting ready in my bathroom… (have you seen the movie 16 Candles? you know when the grandpa character tears up the bathroom and it needed fumigating? Well yep!! It happened!) After getting my hair professionally done in the “perfect” half up half down style we had practiced and done for my wedding portraits, she completely messed it up!! Seriously!! I went home and washed it out and redid it myself!! My sweet, “never said a negative comment” daddy told me it did “look pretty bad.” So yep I did my own hair… did I mention the fact that my Grandpa was in MY bathroom? And did I mention that he may or may not have stunk it up to high Heaven? Well he was and he did and I kicked him out… “No you didn’t!” Oh yes I did!! After I washed and fixed my hair my Daddy took me to the church in Bob. Huh? “In Bob?” Bob is my Dad’s 1929 Model A Ford. On the way to the church, who do we meet going down the road? HERSHEL! My prince!! EEEKKK!!! He saw me!!! Oh no bad luck! Nope guess what!! Our marriage was God ordained!!

Ok so this story is getting long… I remember pretty much every detail… want to know why?! My sweet sister told me to. She said, “ make a mental note of every detail because when it’s all over and done with you won’t remember anything if you don’t.” She has always taken such good care of me!! Thank you Sister!! So the wedding was perfect! There are so many funny details I could share but I’ve already bored you too long.

Although these last 25 years haven’t been easy, they have been spent with the man I love, the man God chose for me. Again, what a treasure! I am so thankful that he allowed the Lord to mold him into the man I needed way back then, and has continued to allow the Lord to mold him into the man I need today. He is my prince! I love you Hershel Dell so much that, funny enough, words escape me! I am looking forward to the rest of our lives together!!!

Do you have dreams? Do you remember them? Are they good dreams or nightmares? I have all kinds of dreams… lots of crazy dreams! Luckily I don’t remember those for very long. I’ve never researched why we have dreams but apparently many things can affect them like food, medicine, stresses, etc.

I also have been blessed with dreams where God speaks to me. (For real… I am not cray cray.) Here is an example… God put one of my friends on my heart (mostly how God speaks in my dreams) in a dream and I knew that I needed to reach out to my friend. He did not tell me anything that was going on with my friend just that she needed prayers and me to reach out. After I reached out she told me that she had been questioning God but because I reached out to her she knew He was there and was in control.

I have never had a dream like I had last night though. It was a frightening dream and when I woke up I was a little disturbed until I sat down and really thought about what happened and the importance of all of the details.

Here is my dream… I was in a place with some friends, family, and some animals. I do not know where I was but it was a large place and very spread out. It was mostly dark where I was which added to my discomfort I think. In this dream, I knew that Satan was coming to destroy and I was frightened. I felt the Lord telling me to call upon His name and I would be fine. The devil started coming in my direction and I just started calling out to God and I stayed right where I was. I was trying to be as still as possible. Every living thing, human and animal, around me was killed. More like destroyed. (It was pretty gruesome-and no I do not watch scary movies) The devil came back around and once again I called out to the Lord and I was once again safe. This happened several times until the “war” between God and Satan was over and Satan himself was destroyed.

Sounds like a fun dream huh… when I woke up, my heart was pounding (from the adrenaline I’m sure). Like I said earlier, I have crazy dreams and I figured it was just another one of them. Then I sat down to put on my makeup and do my hair for church and started thinking about the dream.

Now here is my interpretation of what God was telling me in the dream… it’s really simple… Be still and call upon the Lord and He will take care of you. If you don’t call upon Him and make Him your Savior then you will surely die. Oh goodness was that harsh? Well, it is what it is right?

Honestly, I have no idea when the Lord is coming back but it feels soon. If you aren’t prepared to meet Him in the sky, you need to get ready! You might have 50 years or 50 seconds (or less) so don’t put it off! Call on Him today!! If you have question about how to get right with the Lord please don’t hesitate to ask me. ❤️

When I was just a few months old, my dad was asked to go to a small mission church on the outskirts of the town next to ours and preach for a couple of Sundays. His “couple of Sundays” turned into quite a few years. I have mentioned our music leader before but this man, Mr. Poole, love the Lord so much and it showed as he led the music. He would hold the Hymnal opened to the song we were singing but he never looked at it. He would place the opened book between the palms of his hands horizontally bouncing it with the beat of the song. It was clear when he led us in hymns that were his favorites. The one that God put in my head the other day is one of those favorite hymns. Do you have a favorite hymn or hymns?

Hymns were a huge part of my childhood. Remember I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s in a small country church that did not have a band or fast praise and worship music like we have today. I love both kinds of worship and it makes me sad that even my own child doesn’t know the hymns of old but that doesn’t stop her from worshipping the Lord. I’m getting off track.

Back to what I want to share… as a child I knew the words to most of the hymns we sang but I really didn’t listen or take the words to heart. I didn’t try to find the meaning the songwriter was conveying. Then when I got into jr high and high school, my dad had had a heart attack and had to resign from pastoring. After this we went to a larger church in town where we sang hymns but also other types of music so the meanings of the hymns from when I was little never crossed my mind.

So God placed the hymn Love Lifted Me and it’s meaning in my head the other day just out of the blue… here are the words if you don’t know it…

During this covid time with all of the changes it has brought into our lives I have struggled with a sadness and a bit of depression. I am really not good with change. When I heard the song it made me think of this sadness and depression. I realize that is not what the song really talks about other than the chorus but that’s what came to mind. The chorus says “Love lifted me Love lifted me When nothing else will help Love lifted me”. What does that mean? Well, God has told us that He is Love. So if God is Love then when nothing else will help God lifted me. Wowza! So that brings up the question in my mind of why would I not go to Him first? Why do I have to wait until “nothing else” will help to go to God, my Father, my Savior… He is just waiting to help me, waiting to lift me up, waiting for me to stop lallygagging around and come to Him. He has proven that He is there always. Every time I need Him, He is there. Even when I pull away, He is there. He doesn’t leave us ever we leave Him. This world is like gravity pulling us away from the only Help we have. Why do we let it?

Am I alone in this? Do you struggle with this too? Why do I even try to do anything on my own? Over and over He has shown me that it is pretty much futile, a waste of time and energy. He has told us that He is there to take care of everything for us and all we have to do is ask.

Are you struggling with sadness or depression? Know that God is there, just a prayer away. He wants to lift you up out of those thoughts that pull you down deeper and deeper. He has overcome the worst things possible all you have to do is ask Him. If you have questions about how to ask Him please hit me up.

Right now I want to Thank Him… Father, thank You so very much for being patient with me as I struggle on my own when You are right there to take care of my every need. Thank You for loving me even though I am so unlovable. Father, please speak to those who read this blog today. Open their hearts to You and to Your embrace. Please show them whatever it is that You want them to hear from this little message you gave me to share. I love You Lord! Amen

Hey y’all! I have found a new music group that I love to listen to. They are called Anthony Brown & group therAPy. They have a song called Worth and I’m telling you it is so good I find myself praising God every time I hear it! So this song and one other of their songs got me to thinkin’. Before I get my thoughts out, here is the link to the song Worth. Listen to it and come right back…

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=RDiX59fjowutw&feature=share&playnext=

So what did you think? Pretty great huh? I know that without that horrible cross and Jesus taking on our sins neither you nor I are worthy. Guess what… I’ll wait until you guess….. ok give up? Our worth, your worth and my worth, is so great that He made a way to wipe away our sin, which separates us from Him, and makes us clean so we can spend time with Him on Earth as well as in Heaven!! Whoa!!! I’ve told you before but I’ll tell you again how He took care of those sins… He sent His only begotten Son to live on Earth to die for our sins.

Uh ok stop brrrrrup backup… “Only begotten”? What does that mean? When the Bible refers to Jesus as the only begotten son of God it comes from the Greek word monogenes which means a one-of-a-kind or a unique relationship. So when God sent Jesus to be tortured and killed for our sins He knew that once our sins were laid upon Jesus’ shoulders to bear He (Jesus) could no longer be in the presence of God. That. Is. Huge! So God had to turn away from Jesus on the cross. Jesus had to be punished for our sins not His sins because remember He was blameless. Jesus had to go into the pits of hell and fight for us. Fight to save us so that we could be in the presence of God. And, well, of course He won that fight because He is so AWESOME!!! I am so humbled at the amount of love God has for me to do that! I feel like I’m rambling but I can’t express enough how huge this blessing or gift is!! Without Jesus taking my sins and God, my Father, forgiving those sins I would have to go to hell and face the devil and I can promise you one thing… I am so far from the vicinity of being strong enough to fight the devil it’s like I’m on the moon!! The Good News is that I don’t have to because I have accepted this gift from my Lord!! Have you? It easy peasy to do… all you have to do is accept, believe, and confess. Accept that you are a sinner. Believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that He came to Earth to live a sinless life and chose to take on our sins so that we would not die but live eternally with God instead. The final step is to confess to your family, your neighbor, your friends, to everyone you come into contact with that you have received the most precious gift of all!!

I honestly don’t think anything else needs to be said. Well of course one thing… THANK YOU MY PRECIOUS HEAVENLY FATHER FOR LOVING ME SO MUCH THAT YOU MADE A WAY FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO SPEND MY LIFE HERE AND MY ETERNITY WITH YOU!!

I am going to save my other point for another blog entry so be watching for my next post!!

Hey y’all!! It has been a while since I last put my thoughts down for everyone to read… let me catch y’all up on my life struggles and life blessings. Notice how I put the struggles before the blessings… we usually want the bad first so the good outweighs the bad right? I do anyway…

God has made us many promises and an easy life on earth is not one of them. In fact He told us that we would have hard times while living on earth. I can’t talk about struggles of life without mentioning how our country has been struggling and continues to struggle. So that’s the bad in this situation, but here comes the good… ready? God promises us that He is building a place for us where we will have no stress, no sadness, no struggles, only happiness, and love for an eternal amount of time!!! Isn’t that amazing?!!! I am so not worthy of such a place! In fact, neither are you… yikes! Did I offend you? I’m sorry but it’s true. There has only been one human being that has been worthy of such a place and although He lived a completely perfect life, blameless in every way, He was horribly beaten, tortured, and nailed to a cross to die. Stop for just a second, He was nailed to a wooden cross… can you imagine? He. Was. Blameless. He chose to go through all of the pain and for what? He had not done a single thing to be up on that cross. He chose to allow them (us) to put nails through his hands and feet and to stay on the cross. He knew that was the only way the we (you and me) could go to the place that God prepares for us. That place with no sadness. That place with no struggles, no suffering, no hate. That place with all of the love and happiness. That place where we can worship Him for all eternity! How wonderful will that be?!

Ok, didn’t know I was going there when I began writing this but I should write that every time I write anything because it is the most important news ever! Now, what’s been going on in my life… Sara B Malone… y’all know my daughter got married so I have another “kid” and “it’s a boy!” Lol. His name is Reagan and he loves my daughter so very much!! It is amazing how much I love my new son in law… more like just son… I sort of treat him just like I do the adult version of Megan. I love the fact that I can pick with him and embarrass him just like Megan. It is so fun!!

Believe it or not, I haven’t had many health issues for a couple of months! PTL!!! I am going in September to my Rheumy and Derm to change meds. After finally finding the combo that works on my joints and skin, the medicine is losing it’s control over my immune system. So that’s no fun! Please pray with me that we can find a new drug or combo that works.

More wonderful news about Megan and Reagan! They have both graduated from college (although Megan didn’t get to walk and get her diploma -thanks to the Rona!) Our fingers are still crossed that Reagan will get to walk in the fall. M&R started looking for jobs and congrats to Megan for finding one at a vet clinic doing what she loves! We are still praying for Reagan to find the job God has out there for him. Please pray with us about this!

Oh! More great news!! M&R are moving to PD!! I am so excited! Their house is going to be so pretty and their yard!! Y’all!! It’s beyond!!! What blessings God has given us!!

In a world where so many are hurting, I fully believe that we can look around and see God’s blessings for us. If you have a hard time finding your blessings, consciously look around looking for the blessings gifted to you. I like to come up with 5 every day. I don’t always do it but when I am really down I try to.

So we first have to live here on earth, a broken world where we do have sadness (and a lot of it.) a broken world where we have hate and struggles and pain and sickness and death. That is not the end though!!! If you believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that He came to this broken world and lived a completely perfect life and took on all of our sins, was tortured and beaten and died on the cross for our sins God is preparing a place for you!! The Good News!!!

One of my favorite hymns to sing as a child was called Count Your Blessings. I remember the man that led our worship (Mr Poole) also loved this song! “Count you blessings name them one by one; count your blessings see what God has done; count your blessings, name them one by one, count your many blessings see what God has done”. I love that song! Well I promise that I will try and write more often. Have a blessed day!!

Oh my goodness! I do not even know where to begin!!! This past weekend (December 27-29) was one of the best in my entire life!!! MY DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED!!!! I have watched movies such as Father of the Bride, Sweet Home Alabama, The Proposal, etc, and I have laughed and cried and have always wondered how I would feel when my one and only daughter got married. Would I be emotional? Would I feel numb? Just how would I feel? Well, let me just tell you how it felt! It was WONDERFUL and EXCITING and I was incredibly HAPPY because the true and complete love I see between Megan and her husband is REAL!!! It is a fairytale and it is completely real!! My daughter, that I now share with her new wonderful parents, is happier than I have ever seen her or heard her!! No, I do not think their life will be exempt from problems. So far they have encountered many many problems from death to stress to illness and surgery, but they have come through each problem stronger for it. I am proud of the woman Megan has become and just as proud of the man her new husband, Reagan is!! I love them both so much!!

Before I tell you about the weekend, I have to share with you about the wonderful showers and bridal tea that some amazing people gave these two!! They have been given so many wonderful gifts I have no idea where they will put it all!! Seriously!! I am not going to mention names because I know I will forget someone and each of them are so very special to us!! Thank you so much for loving our kids like you do!!!

Ok, the weekend… festivities started off Friday with a Bridesmaids Luncheon at La Madeline. The patio was decorated to perfection, the food was amazing, and the fellowship was the best!!! This was hosted by Angel Lee and Kimmerly Laughlin. These ladies did an amazing job!! I can’t think of anything that could have been better!!! Thank you both so much!! They outdid themselves!!! The cake was also amazing and was made by Lauren Laughlin!! She is very talented and I highly recommend her cakes if you are looking for one!!

The rehearsal was very organized to say the least!! Shanna Malone was the best wedding coordinator… not only the coordinator, but my shoulder to cry on, my counselor, advice giver, stress reliever, and overall one of the best friends God could have gifted me!! I owe her so much for all that she did this year in planning and keeping me on task I will never be able to repay her. The co-coordinator was Donna Bell, also very organized, willing to do anything for me (maybe even something illegal if necessary. Hehe) Donna not only helped get everyone organized and in place but she cooked lunch for the entire wedding party!!! It was ahhhmazzzzing too!!! There are no words to thank you enough!!

The rehearsal dinner was beyond delicious!! Eric Brazzel and Lynn Brazzel were in charge of this dinner and from the decorations to the words of love shared from anyone who wanted to speak was perfect!! And the food was out of this world!! Thank you both so much!!!

Saturday morning, the ladies got treated to hair and makeup from Megan’s Nana at the hotel (artists were Rachel Sparks-hair, Crystal Pierce-makeup, Christy Cosby-hair and makeup). These artists had every one of us turning heads!! They also had gorgeous and delish cookies made by Debbie Gipson, and sparkling white grape juice (Megan’s favorite) Thank you all for doing what you do!!! Thank you Nana for treating all of the girls!!!

Photography and videography rose to the challenge of capturing every moment in the rain and confined spaces. I can’t wait to see what they captured!!! Thank you Callie Jo Photography and Sky Pixels!!! Y’all are the best! You both had so many great ideas and were fun to work with!!! I highly recommend both of these companies!!!

The location… the bride and groom picked The Caspiana Plantation as their venue for their wedding and reception. The owners, Scott and Cherry could not have been more help!! From parking to moving furniture, not to mention opening up their home for us!! Thank you thank you!! The Caspiana is the most gorgeous venue I’ve been to. I highly recommend it as well!!

The ceremony… Kevin Inman was the officiant and told stories I had never heard about the bride and groom. He highlighted the love and friendship Megan and Reagan have. He allowed everyone there to get a peek inside of their relationship and that was special!! Thank you Kevin!!!

Music- We had Brett on the piano, Melodie and Jake on vocals and R&C Entertainment as the DJ and sound… every one of them was crazy amazing!!! The ceremony music was perfection!! The dance music had everyone, young and old at least tapping their toe and a lot of them dancing!! The videographer actually told me that this wedding was absolutely the best dry wedding he had ever shot… you can have fun without the alcohol people!!

The food- Angie had the food looking beautiful and tasting even better!!! Thank you thank you Angie!!!

The cakes- Georgiegirl Cakery made the delicious cakes! They were so moist and delicious I have eaten them all night… we had a little left over. Lol. Don’t worry Mom, I sent them to work with Hershel…

The decor- O. M. G. The decor!!! Tanya Paul with Everything Artsy blew my mind with her decor!! Her flower arrangements, signs, furniture, booths, just everything was beyond my imagination!! Thank you Tanya!!! You are the best!!!

The car- Jordan Slack allowed Reagan to drive off in his grandfathers antique thunderbird that he just restored!! This car is immaculate and I’m not sure how they got all of Megan’s dress and all 6’5″ Reagan in this car but they did and it was adorbs!! Such perfection only happens in the movies right… not when you have an amazing friend like Jordan!! Thank you a million times over!! We love you!!

I want to thank Zane and Tate Sears for passing out and lighting all of the sparklers!! Y’all are my heroes!!!

If I have forgotten someone I will remember soon and shout out to ya!!

The love- God- Father I thank You for bringing these two individuals together to form one. I pray that You receive all of the glory in their union as the love that only comes from You literally showed through them all weekend. I pray that they keep You in the center of their marriage and lives together. I pray that they become an inspiration to others as what to look for in a spouse. I pray that You bless them and put Your hedge of protection around their marriage, their health, and their safety. I thank You Lord for all of Your blessings bestowed on us. I love You Lord, amen.

Update on my liver… warning… this is gonna be long…

Before I get into the doctor appointment I want to thank you all for praying!! I cannot tell you how special you have made me feel with your comments, calls, and texts!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Down to biz… I went to the liver transplant doctor today. I had so many questions and very little information which was bothering me. The dr I went to see was super nice, patient, and very informative. He is part of a team of doctors. In this team, from what I understand, is a surgeon, an oncologist, a radiologist or two… and I can’t remember who else. Anyway, they get together on Tuesdays for a conference about the patients. He wanted my CT scan and MRI on discs so they could all look at them to see if possibly one of them had seen something similar and I wouldn’t need a biopsy. If no one has seen it then they will determine if they want another scan or a biopsy. (If one of them agrees to do the biopsy as it seems to be made up of a lot of vessels and poses a risk of bleeding.)

If they ok the biopsy they will then have to decide which of the two ways to get the biopsy. One way is the traditional way of using ultrasound and locating the lesion and going through the skin with a needle with a clamp thing and clipping the tissue of the lesion. The second way to get a biopsy would be to go in the jugular and travel down to the liver and get the biopsy that way. They both have risks with them so idk which they will do. Either way, results should be back in two to three days. Once we have a diagnosis we can decide on treatment.

Typically, if the lesion is benign he would just recommend scans every 6 months to a year and keep a close eye on it. Am I ever traditional? Nope! So, because my liver is diseased, he wants it taken care of. Meaning that whether this lesion is benign or malignant I will be having chemo to shrink it. I can’t remember what they call this chemo but essentially it is placed directly into my liver and it will burn that part of my liver. This will shrink the lesion and we will then watch it closely to make sure it doesn’t start to grow again.

If the lesion is malignant then the options change. It will then depend on the size of the lesion and if it is all contained in the liver or not. At this point it is 3 cm so still small. Options for malignancy are

• To put me on the transplant list and do chemo while we wait for a liver to make sure it stays small (must be 5 cm or less for a transplant).

• To try and cut it out making sure the margins are clear and watch it.

• To do chemo then try and cut it out if possible. If not possible then transplant is necessary.

I will be having lots of dr appointments in the next month or so (on top of my daughter’s wedding… yes please because I have all the time in the world. Lol) My dr wants me to meet all of the team so I will be going to the surgeon (this does not mean I will have surgery.) I will be going to the oncologist (this does not mean I have cancer but I will have chemo either way so I need to meet him.)

God is in control of everything!! He has brought me back to that place of peace with the knowledge I learned today and the kind doctor!! I told y’all from the start that I am completely flawed and might have peace one minute and the next be a mess… I will never ever doubt His power, love, or abilities to heal me completely! Also, I will not turn away from Him during this hike up this mountain for I know that He is the Almighty Father, the Everlasting King, the Prince of Peace, and the Great Physician! (Among so many other things!) He has never given up on me even though I am completely useless and unworthy of anything He has given me!! What a MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!!!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 English Standard Version (ESV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Please continue to pray with me for:

• my family -we have a lot of changes happening this month! Fun times!

• My doctors -for wisdom to do God’s will in my health situations.

• Me -to leave my worries with the Lord, to be strong and tough so I can handle this mountain, to be a light for even just one person as I climb this beast.

Thank you again for your prayers!!! ❤️

Once again I am looking at another health crisis… is crisis the right word? Idk… it seems that it would be a crisis except for this peace I feel deep inside my bones. It’s more than a gut feeling because I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father is in control. He is not surprised by anything I am going through or will go through. I am not saying that I will not have moments where I am scared, we all know that I am human and very imperfect. Though I pray that in those moments I am able to come back to reality and know that I am being carried through this in the very palm of my Fathers hand.

Whoops! Let me start at the beginning. If you know me or have read any of my blogs then you know that I have a multitude of health issues, cirrhosis of the liver being one of those issues. The cause of my cirrhosis is NASH or Nonalcoholic Steatohepatitis. This is an autoimmune disease where fat deposits on my liver and causes fibrosis or hardening of that area of my liver. In turn causing my liver to get lazy and not do its job. Currently there is no treatment or cure for this condition. There are clinical trials for new medications which look promising. I was in a clinical trial for a year but the drug company pulled the trial stating there was not enough evidence of the drug working. I was out of the study for 6 months and started testing for a new study which led me to where I am now.

I need to explain the process of getting into and out of a clinical trial. (This is my understanding and might not be exactly correct but in my experience this is what I went through.) The first things they do are the different tests. (Blood work, ultrasound of the liver, biopsy of the liver, and a fibroscan) After reading the results of the tests they determine if you are a good candidate for the study. If you are then you are in. During the study they perform all of those same tests multiple times. When they closed the study they performed all of the tests for a last time. It was in the ultrasound this time that a little tiny lesion showed up on my liver. We did further tests and the doctors determined there was nothing to be concerned about.

So, when it was time for me to try to get into the next study I had to have all of those same tests again. This time in the ultrasound the tiny lesion had grown. These tests were done about 6 months apart and the tiny lesion had tripled in size and had become very vascular (meaning involved a lot of blood vessels even creating new ones of its own.) This finding sent me for more testing. I have since had a CT scan and an MRI. Both of these tests were inconclusive as far as if the lesion is benign or malignant.

The liver specialist over the research center is sending me to a specialist of specialists of the liver. (If that makes sense) From what they are telling me, even if the lesion is benign I am looking at treatment of some sort. Treatments mentioned were chemo, radiation, and transplant.

So that’s where I am today… I am looking at this new mountain I have to climb and I have a peace deep in my bones because I know that my Father is carrying me in His very capable hand!!

Do you have a trial that you are going through? If you do and would like to chat message me on here and I will answer. I might not see it at first but as soon as I do I will contact you.

Psalm 91:4-6

How do you deal with disappointment? I don’t handle it very well. I’m going to give full disclosure here… I am in the throes of being disappointed, I don’t think I have really even processed it yet so this blog might go in a direction not intended. We shall see…

Life has been crazy busy lately, mostly fun, but not all. My daughter is getting married in a couple of months!! Yay!!! So much fun!!

Health wise I’ve had an infection of MRSA on my leg and I have been trying to pass a kidney stone going on a couple of weeks now. Don’t be jelly of me!! My psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis have been going good lately though. PTL!! So what am I disappointed about? Well let me tell you… I am on a medication that my doctor gives me samples for for my arthritis. He gives me 3-5 boxes every time I need samples. Why does he do that? Well, he has me on a really aggressive treatment for my arthritis. For me to get all of the meds he wants me on he has to give me samples. Ok. So. I am out of meds and I call to see if he has any samples he can put back for me and he tells me he no longer has a rep for that drug company. This. Is. Bad. It means no samples for me or any other patients. Without this med, my walking abilities deteriorate. Without this med my ability to use my hands deteriorate. Did I mention that my daughter is getting married soon? I want to be able to help her get dressed. I want to be able to walk down the isle. I want to be able to dance and feel good and enjoy my only daughter’s wedding! We have worked really hard to give her the wedding of her dreams and I want to enjoy it and have fun!!

Ok so I’m going into a little pity party here… let’s back up this train before it gets out of hand…

I know that my God, my loving Father is in control and He will take care of this situation! Of course I want His will to be done in every situation. So no matter if I am walking with a cane (and you can bet it will be a fabulous cane!) I will still be having a blast because my baby girl is marrying the man of her dreams at the wedding of her dreams!!!!

Thank you Lord for turning my attitude around and allowing me to remember that YOU are in control and that YOU alone will work this out!! I love you Father and leave this situation in Your very capable hands!!

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

UPDATE:

Y’all God is at work! I saw and felt Him taking care of biz yesterday!! A great friend took time out of her day to help me with my medicine problem. She sent me her results of her research and as soon as I read her text, God decided to show out. Like a light bulb turning on above my head, I knew exactly how to fix the situation. It was not my idea but God’s. I called my dr and told the nurse and a couple of hours later they had decided that would work. I am so thankful that my friend allowed God to use her!!! Without her thinking of me and my situation, she and I would not have talked, hence the lightbulb would y’all continue to pray for this situation. Thank y’all.

I missed Daughter’s Day on Facebook so I decided to create my own day. So today is the Blessed Mother’s Day. There is one person on this earth that makes me a mama and that person is Megan.

Let me tell you a little bit about her. Megan is beautiful! No I am not biased… you know when most babies are born, they have weird shaped heads and they are all wrinkly and marked up from delivery? Well not Megan. She was perfect! Her head was not misshapen at all and she had no marks on her. She literally looked like a porcelain doll and she has only gotten more beautiful the older she is.

That kind of beauty isn’t really what I mean though when I say that Megan is beautiful, in this instance. Megan is a spitfire! She is very opinionated and isn’t afraid to tell you. Even though she is so spunky she has the sweetest spirit of anyone I know. Her heart breaks anytime there is an animal or child that is hurting. If there is an older person sitting alone in a restaurant she wants to go and sit with him/her or invite the person to sit with us. She has a heart for sharing God’s word and love to anyone she meets.

Megan is my biggest cheerleader!! Don’t even think about being rude or mean to me especially in front of her because she will likely call you out on it! She is very protective of me. When Megan loves, she loves with her whole heart!! She is engaged to be married soon, and even though she hasn’t felt good in a long time because she had a diseased gallbladder and had to have it removed, she is happier than I have ever seen her! This makes me a very blessed mama!!

I enjoy watching the two of them together. When they look at each other they look like characters in a movie that are madly in love and I feel like there should be music playing in the background. To see how much they are in love is to see a rare thing. Their relationship is not perfect and that is what makes it so real if that makes any sense. Life isn’t perfect there are so many problems that they will face together but they have put the Lord in the center of their relationship. This will no doubt be a daily or a moment to moment decision as we humans try to rely on ourselves more than on God but the fact that they made that decision is huge! This makes me a blessed mama!

I love this girl BIG!! She is one of my best friends now that she is an adult (not grown but adult enough that I don’t have to do everything for her). She works so hard at school! She stresses out if she even misses classes which shows dedication. She has a high gpa which shows that she is responsible. She has so many amazing qualities that I can’t even list them all. This makes me a blessed mama!!

“Children are a gift from God… ” Psalm 127:3

Thank you God for blessing me with the most amazing gift ever! Please keep your hedge of protection around her and Reagan. Guide them as they will start their life journey together soon. Thank you again Lord!!