I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

I finally got to see the movie I Can Only Imagine. Wow!! Hershel watched it after I did but we didn’t have a chance to discuss it. If you haven’t seen it, it is a must see!!

Hershel and I went out to eat last night and on the way home we started discussing the movie. He said that he would never have gotten that back story from the lyrics of the song. We talked about how no one can understand what a person is going through when God gives a song writer lyrics to a song, or words for a sermon, or even a blog. We talked about that the song came from the sheer power of God in changing the life of Bart’s Daddy. I explained to Hershel that when a person loses a close loved one such as a father or a child that they try to imagine what that person is experiencing.

We talked about how (and not to spoil the movie) even though Bart said that the words to the song came to him in about 10 minutes, God had been preparing him for this moment his whole life. Hershel made a statement that I was thinking when he said “God prepares us our whole lives for His purposes but we can only realize this if and when we are in tune with Him.”

This conversation led us into another conversation that was a little harder to discuss… as I said, we went out to eat and while at the restaurant a pretty large family came in. In the family was a girl about 8 years old and she had Down’s syndrome. I tried not to stare at her but it was hard not to. Hershel and I miscarried a child about 18 years ago and the doctor said that the child was a Downs baby so anytime I see a precious Downs child I feel that connection. It was especially hard for me last night.

As we sat in our booth, I asked Hershel if he ever thought about what life would be like if our child had lived (he would be 17 years old now) and of course he said yes and he said that he wished he knew if it was a boy or girl. Well this brought up another subject… before I go any further, please understand that I am not claiming to have any type of psychic abilities. I am, however, claiming that God has granted me blessings or gifts in the way of visions in dreams. He allowed me to meet our little boy (that we probably would have named Peyton) in a dream not long after we miscarried. In my vision, he didn’t say anything but I could sense his sweetness. He had dark brown almost black hair, he was about 7 years old, and even though we are made whole in Heaven, he had on a pair of dark rimmed glasses. He was smiling at me and he knew I was his mom. I could also feel the love he had for me even without words. Let me tell you that this vision has been and will continue to be a treasured gift from the Lord!!

I know I told Hershel about the vision when I had it but I guess he had forgotten. As we were talking on our way home, we talked about the time right after we miscarried and how it affected us and how it made us into the people we are today. Obviously, it affected us in different ways but we can both look back and see how God has used that experience for His glory.

I still mourn the life of the precious child that was cut very short, however, I realize that to wish him back on this earth would be completely selfish. I know he is beyond happy where he is. He has so many beloved family members up there to spend time with and of course he is worshipping at the feet of our Lord!! I remember talking to my mom right after my Daddy moved to Heaven. I told her that it was Peyton’s turn to get to spend time with Gramps. It is still very hard and still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. I cannot imagine what he has seen but I know that he is completely happy!! I can only imagine!!!